Family Attorney

JOE NASSANEY was shocked when Carl Baccaro, his partner of 32 years, asked him if he would like to become his legal partner. New Jersey’s Domestic Partner Act was to take effect a few days later, which allowed gay and elderly couples a legal status short of marriage.

Mr. Baccaro, 60, a musical conductor and voice teacher, had always been the more conservative one in the relationship. Mr. Nassaney, 57, a data center manager, says now that perhaps he knew that the couple’s time was short.

They were in line at the clerk’s office in South Orange on July 10 when it opened at midnight to usher in the new law. They and 38 other couples became the state’s first domestic partners. The next night, some time after Mr. Nassaney went to bed, Mr. Baccaro had a devastating stroke. An ambulance took Mr. Baccaro to the hospital; Mr. Nassaney took their domestic partnership certificate with him.

‘’It gave me extraordinary control over what went on in the hospital,'’ Mr. Nassaney said. ‘’Everything had to go through me – just like we were husband and wife.'’

Besides hospital visitation rights and the authority to make medical decisions for incapacitated partners, the new law provides protection against discrimination in areas ranging from employment benefits and to family pool memberships, as well as certain exemptions from taxation.

Mr. Nassaney and Mr. Baccaro were among more than 1,907 couples –1,140 female and 754 male couples – who have registered their domestic partnerships since the law went into effect. That represents 11 percent of the more than 16,000 same-sex couples in the state who were listed in the 2000 census.

‘’I think the numbers reflect the spectrum of feeling in New Jersey,'’ said David Buckel, a lawyer with Lambda Legal who is representing seven same-sex couples suing the state for the right to marry. ‘’Some folks need to register, some folks are ambivalent and some folks are downright angry that they don’t have full marriage rights.'’

Chris Lodewyks, 54, a retired businessman, and his partner, Craig Hutchison, 53, a portfolio manager, of Pompton Lakes are one of the couples suing the state for the recognition of same-sex marriage.

‘’Domestic partnership is second-class citizenship, and I am not going to accept second-class citizenship,'’ Mr. Lodewyks said. The couple have been together for 33 years.

In 1997 the General Accounting Office identified 1,046 federal laws that affect married couples, that are not applicable to same-sex couples. Marriage is not necessarily an advantage in all those laws; some limit donations for spouses in political campaigns; others prohibit the hiring of spouses for conflict of interest reasons.

But many of the federal laws that mention marriage do so to extend medical or financial support to surviving spouses. Since the federal government does not recognize domestic partnership these benefits would not be available to same-sex couples registered in New Jersey.

Felice Londa, a lawyer, and Stacy Brodsky, a chiropractor, are a lesbian couple from Maplewood who are registered domestic partners. They appreciate the new rights they have as domestic partners, but noted its limitations recently when they boarded a ferry from Cape May to Lewes, Del., for a vacation at Dewey Beach. As they watched the Jersey shore fade into the distance, it dawned on them that their legal rights as domestic partners faded, too. Delaware does not recognize civil unions, domestic partnerships or same-sex marriages.

‘’Suddenly we realized that it would be like we were total strangers in Delaware,'’ Ms. Londa said. They would no longer have full visitation rights in a hospital should one of them become sick or injured.

‘’We would have to lie and say that we are sisters or cousins,'’ she said. If one of them became incapacitated, her partner would no longer have the legal authority as Mr. Nassaney had to make medical decisions for her and no amount of bluffing could change that.

For Mr. Nassaney, the need to use that authority came all too soon. Just seven days after the domestic partnership law took effect, Mr. Nassaney decided to take his partner off life support.

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