Family Attorney

This month Gerry and I decided to update our wills to name new guardians for our son Gerald. That led to one of the toughest compromises we’ve had to make as a couple – for personal and financial reasons.

When Gerald was born six years ago, Gerry and I were so caught up in our parenting duties we let some important financial responsibilities to our son slip by the wayside: creating a will, buying life insurance, choosing a guardian. Every now and then Gerry and I would remind each other of the need to get our estate plan in order, but inevitably we’d find some excuse to put off making an appointment with an attorney. Months passed, then years.

The importance of finally getting our act in gear was made devastatingly clear the morning of Sept. 11. Sitting at home, tending to my feverish two-year-old, I watched in shock as the Online Journal’s office building across the street from the Trade Center was enveloped by dual blasts of dust and debris as the towers fell. My friends and colleagues all got out in time, but 37 residents of our suburban New Jersey town – many 30-something parents of young children, just like us – didn’t.

We made an appointment with an attorney shortly thereafter. He recommended that we decide on a few things beforehand, including the person we wanted to act as our executor (the individual responsible for carrying out the terms of our wills) and Gerald’s guardians. The first was easy. The second wasn’t.

We ran through our short list of possible guardians, debated the pros and cons of each one, and quickly agreed on my mom Carol. We share the same philosophy when it comes to raising kids, and aside from us she’s the family member Gerald is closest to. Her long-time companion Bob loves Gerald as he does his own grandchildren, and he’s good with managing money. But with the two approaching retirement age, Gerry and I didn’t want to saddle them with the responsibility of raising a young child. Years ago, when my mom and I discussed Gerald’s guardianship, she agreed that it would be very hard to start all over again.

Gerry’s dad wasn’t a candidate. He was 64 then, a widower, and as Gerald’s guardian he’d have to move from his retirement village, which doesn’t allow kids. We also decided against my dad Mike and his wife Nora. My dad and I have had a rocky relationship over the years, so Gerald doesn’t see him much, and Mike and Nora suffer from long-term chronic illnesses that would make caring for our son a real hardship.

My two brothers, Mike and Joe, are both loving, responsible guys and I know Gerald would be in good hands, but they live out of state and our son’s met them only a few times over the years. The thought of Gerald losing both his parents and then being shipped off to another state to live with relatives he barely knows was too much for us to bear.

That left my sister Melissa and Gerry’s brother Brian. (Gerry and I both wanted Gerald to be raised by an immediate family member.) Of the two siblings, Gerry was partial to Brian, but I preferred Melissa. In the end – though it didn’t sit well with me – our final choice came down to money.

Shortly before Gerald was born, Brian and his wife Colleen purchased their first house, a spacious three-bedroom home in the suburbs. The two had no children then, but planned to have them soon – so if something did happen to us, chances are our only child would have the little brother or sister he’s longed for.

More : online.wsj.com