Family Attorney
Staking Out a Place in a House Divided
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‘’It’s pretty difficult, because I’m not a very organized person,'’ said Courtney, 14. ‘’It’s like going away on vacation for two weeks and then having to unpack.'’ To make the transition easier, her parents bought her a laptop so she can carry her computer with her, and have provided wardrobes in both their homes. Last year, her father moved from Jersey City to Montclair, where Courtney’s mother lives. Both parents have copies of each other’s house keys and are working on coming up with a mutually agreeable set of chores for Courtney. ‘’We co-parent really well,'’ said Courtney’s mother, Patty Dow, who is a counselor. ‘’We work together to make the transition easier.'’ Courtney’s friend Jacinthe Sasson-Yenor has a more complex living arrangement. On school days she stays in her mother’s Jersey City loft, and on weekends she stays in her father’s 1861 farmhouse, also in Jersey City. Every other Saturday, she spends the day with her mother as well. Jacinthe’s mother, Gail Sasson, who is an artist and schoolteacher, thinks that having Jacinthe spend most of her time in one place allows her to stay organized. ‘’This is base,'’ Ms. Sasson said. But Ms. Sasson wants Jacinthe, 14, to have a real relationship with her father, too. Ms. Sasson grew up in an era when divorced fathers were sometimes seen only about once a year, usually bearing extravagant gifts as stand-ins for a real relationship. Divorce is hard. It’s a wrenching apart of a household with results that can be as painful as the end of love and as prosaic as dividing up the spices. It’s never easy on the children. These days, with joint custody so common, there is a new issue: How to make the child at home in more than one home. Stanley Harmon, a divorce mediator in Tinton Falls, says the most important factor is geography. ‘’The way I arrange it, neither parent can move far away,'’ he said. ‘’There’s a clause that essentially keeps them with 20 miles of each other.'’ Any farther and the travel time between mom and dad ‘’is an inconvenience to the child,'’ Mr. Harmon said. But because custody arrangements can trip up on the slightest details, Mr. Harmon tries to think of all the contingencies ahead of time and have the parents agree. ‘’The arrangement covers every single holiday that you can think of,'’ he said. ‘’And there’s a clause for holidays that may be created in the future.'’ More : query.nytimes.com |
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