Family Attorney

My e-mail inbox has filled up in recent weeks with one repeated theme — an older person with dementia isn’t taking care of herself.

She needs help paying bills, preparing meals, bathing and other important tasks, but she refuses to allow anyone to help. She hasn’t named a person she trusts to make decisions for her, or she’s named someone who’s doing a poor job. What should the people who care about her do? Today I’ll address the first issue: What to do if no one has the authority to make decisions on behalf of someone who’s become demented. Next week I’ll tackle the second: How to undo the decision-making power if it’s in the wrong hands.

Here are two situations that have recently crossed my desk:

“Our elderly aunt broke her pelvis this summer and stayed for a few weeks in a nursing home to rehab, where the doctor diagnosed her as having dementia.

“Recently my brother and I brought her home because she insisted, even though we know she can’t take care of herself. She thinks people are coming into her condo and stealing things, so she hides them, then forgets where they are — proving, she says, that she has thieves!

“She’s easily confused, and I’m sure she can’t pay her bills. Her condo is a mess. She hides food in the oven. We’ve contacted various social services agencies and have been told there’s nothing we can do short of taking her to court and having her declared incompetent.

“She refuses to give my brother or me power of attorney, and she has no other living relatives. We live miles away and can’t check on her daily like she needs. What can we do?”

And this …

“My neighbor, a retiree in his late 70s, lives alone. His wife died years ago, and they had no children. He’s a lovely man and quite capable physically, but he’s now having trouble paying his bills. I’m convinced he has the money, but he’s confused. The landlord is about to evict him.”

Multiply these examples by, oh, a million older adults, and you can see what a common problem this has become. People over 85 are the fastest growing segment of the population, and almost half of everyone who reaches 85 has Alzheimer’s (as well as many who are younger).

Dementia is something we must all prepare for, yet most don’t. The consequences — often long, drawn-out horror stories — fall not only on the older person but on their families, friends and neighbors.

Documents known as “Durable Powers of Attorney” (DPOAs) allow us to name someone we trust, an “agent,” to carry out our wishes when we’re no longer able, and avoid these problems. One governs our health care; the second our money. We need both, but today’s spotlight is on the financial tool.

The key to all DPOAs is to prepare and sign them while we’re mentally capable. If you don’t and you become demented — or if you’re hit by a truck and left unconscious — your family has virtually no legal grounds for taking care of you the way you’d want. In most cases, their only option is to go to court and have a guardian appointed, which is an expensive and time-consuming process that requires ongoing oversight by a judge.

More : seattletimes.nwsource.com