Family Attorney
Why lawyers want couples to make up after the break-up
|
|
Divorces are traumatic at the best of times and can destroy whatever might be left of failing relationships, turn children against parents, devour much-needed cash and drag on for years. Breaking up is hard to do, but does it have to be hell? A growing number of divorce lawyers claim ‘collaborative law’ is a revolutionary way of splitting up that reduces heartache and saves money. A couple of weeks ago, Sue, a 39-year-old mother of three, received an early Christmas present: an envelope containing a decree absolute. It marked the official end of her 14-year marriage to John. Sue and John first went to see their lawyers in March last year, and have had six round-the-table ‘collaborative’ meetings in which their complicated affairs were sorted out. ‘I can’t say that it has been easy,’ says Sue. ‘In fact, the meetings have been totally draining. At the end of each one I’ve been in floods of tears. John has been there to give me a hug.’ In the course of those meetings, the former couple have resolved childcare arrangements for their three children (aged seven, 10 and 11), and the sale of their £600,000 house. ‘We’ve gone through a process that was always going to be painful, and we’ve now come out the other side with dignity intact and the children’s best interests preserved,’ says John, a 41-year-old businessman. This time last year, the couple had just endured a miserable Christmas living under one roof with their relationship in tatters. One year later, they both believe that the break-up has in some ways brought them closer together. ‘Yes, John pisses me off still and I imagine I do him, but we’ve agreed a way forward together for the sake of the children,’ Sue says. ‘That’s real progress.’ If this all sounds commendably mature on the part of Sue and John, it’s the exception. In fact, the couple are divorce guinea pigs. In the coming months, the government is expected to give the approach its approval by launching a pilot scheme that gives public funds to couples who are eligible for legal aid. Collaborative law is a US import. The idea is simple: you and your solicitor sit around a table with your partner and his or her solicitor (known in the jargon as ‘a four-way meeting’), to sort out childcare and other issues without the involvement of the courts. You have to agree from the start that you aren’t going to drag each other through the courts unless negotiations break down - and then you’ll have to instruct new lawyers. More : guardian.co.uk |
Related Articles from Attorney for Family
You may be splitting up, but things don’t have to fall apart
There is never going to be such a thing as 'a good divorce' but Suzanne, a 39-year old from East Anglia, reckons hers was 'probably as good as it gets'. Her decree nisi arrived two weeks ago and her main feelings were of relief and sadness in equal measures. 'My eight-year-old daughter asked me if we could watch our wedding video - she was 18 months old when we were married,' she says. 'I said "No" and tried to explain that it would make me a bit sad because on the day we got married I thought that we would
Collaborative family law: avoiding the messy divorce.
It is unfortunate when marriages or relationships break down and couples part ways. There is often a significant cost to the break down of that relationship, financially and emotionally. We have all heard stories of bitter, ugly divorces and some of the unbelievable antics that go on between two people who were once involved in a loving relationship. Divorce can be messy--but a group of Saskatchewan lawyers have found a process to help people avoid the messy divorce. It's called collaborative family law. Collaborative family law takes people out of the adversarial court process, where former spouses battle one another
North: Charity launched to aid divorcing couples
Warring couples on the brink of divorce are being offered help from a new charity launched today. Family Mediation Northern Ireland (FMNI) aims to avoid break-ups developing into bitter and costly court battles. The charity’s highly-trained mediators work first with clients to open a channel of communication – and then encourage them to begin negotiating with each other. With issues of access often at the centre of wrangles, FMNI said it recognised the need to safeguard the human rights of children involved. The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child states every child has the right to family life. Latest figures show that divorce
Seminar addresses financial issues for Asbury Park, N.J., same-sex couples.
May 11--By not having the right to marry, gay and lesbian couples in New Jersey say they continue to face financial issues that are complicating their tax returns and inheritance plans. It is forcing them to look for answers to questions that for married couples already are relatively clear. For example, will your partner be hit with federal estate taxes when you die? (Answer: For married couples, no. For gay couples, yes). "There's a whole lot of issues married people take for granted that gays and lesbians can't," said Fran Goldberg, 56, of Neptune, who has been with partner Harriet
Dallas-Area Lawyers, Online Sites Help Divorcing Couples Avoid Nasty Fight
When Ken and Abbe Hitchcock decided to end their 18-year marriage, their priority was to spare their three children the nastiness and recriminations that often fly back and forth between a divorcing couple. "We did not want to get into a standard her-side vs. my-side argument," said Mr. Hitchcock of McKinney, a vice president for an apartment development and construction company. "We did not want to be unusually cruel or draw any more pain and suffering to the situation than it already had." The emotionally wrenching experience associated with divorce has led some couples and their lawyers to adopt a